Embracing Life’s Rude Awakenings
Why do we use the term "rude awakening?" How does it relate to self-development and mental health? As someone who teaches and practices self-development, spiritual betterment, letting go of what no longer serves you, and leaning into what does, I can say that my own awakenings have felt rude.
Awakenings, in general, are layers that we expand on, not just one singular moment of realization. They can be uncomfortable, and as we expand our consciousness, our psyche requires us to act differently from what we've known before. The human ego resists change, and that is why it can be so difficult to confront the new knowledge that comes with an awakening.
For example, when I remembered my sexual abuse memories coming back to me in a flood one night; the awareness and consciousness that came with that awakening felt damn rude. It was like an ice bucket dumped over my head. My gut cringed as I realized there was no turning back. There was no acting like this rude awakening hadn't just happened. My stomach sank, my heart sank, and my mind raced.
Leaving both of my former marriages and going no contact with my family after attempts at reconciliation and boundary negotiations were also rude awakenings. I had to accept that they didn't understand or want to understand. They weren't interested in putting in the work that it takes to understand. Realizing where I was powerless to make people that I loved and still love meet me halfway, part way, or any amount of way, hurt.
These realities make us beginners at something because we have to try something new, something different. When we say that therapy is work, this is exactly what we mean. We work through these awakenings. We embrace the discomfort of what's coming, and it feels rude. Just because we have that awakening doesn't mean that a new healthy way of being falls out of the sky and lands in our laps.
One reason an awakening feels rude is that we realize during our awakenings that we're the only ones who can change. We are the only ones who can change the things in our lives that awakenings show us need changing. This can feel heavy, like 10,000 pounds of pressure. We can feel desperate, overwhelmed, lost, and frantic, trying to figure out what to do, when to do it, how to do it, and how much.
The critical voice can be a sneaky bastard, faking, masking, sounding sort of reasonable, but is entirely unreasonable. Highly sensitive people tend to beat themselves up. The saying is hindsight is 20-20, right? Now that I'm wiser from the experiences I've had, the help and advice I've ascertained, I can look back and see how poorly I handled that. This is something that we do to ourselves that is so unnecessary and yet so common.
In conclusion, an awakening can feel like a rude slap in the face. It can be uncomfortable, overwhelming, and frustrating. However, it is essential for self-development and mental health. We have to embrace the discomfort and be open to change. We have to do the best that we can do in any one given moment. We have to accept that what we were doing was our very best to get through. When we know better, we can do better.