What I’ve Learned from My Clients - Part 2: Love is More Than a Feeling
Another thing I want to share with you about what my amazing clients have shown me and taught me over the years, is this truth about our parenting. When dealing with the dynamic of narcissistic parents who exhibit some warmth, it can be hard for a highly sensitive person to navigate on their own. This parenting style keeps one in the thick of needing to negotiate with oneself and with their parents. It is work to figure out this stuff and come from a family with low empathy or low maturity as problems in the family system. Many people who have experienced this dynamic feel confused about why they have so much anxiety or why things are so hard for them, and oftentimes, they compare their experiences to those of others, which is almost like gaslighting themselves.
This is why it's crucial to acknowledge the truth about our parenting, especially if one has grown up with shame, which causes them to shame themselves into being overly controlled. In healthy, imperfect, and messy relationships, we can speak up and say what we like, what we don't like, what we want to do, what we don't want to do, and even reasonably agree to disagree and move on. However, navigating the tension, control, and power struggles that are often part of a family system that has carried a lot of dysfunction can be challenging to do alone.
Although many parents who exhibit some narcissistic traits aren't bad enough to go no contact, it's still necessary to do the work to come from a family with low empathy or low maturity, so that one can have as much peace as possible when peace wasn't available in their childhood. It's not about comparing experiences, it's about allowing oneself to be in the reality of what they went through. At a point, what doesn't kill us does make us stronger and eventually helps us become freer.
One person's experience is a prime example of this. Although she is genuinely grateful for how awful her mother has been to her most of her life, it was still necessary to go fully no contact with her. Her mother's absence of empathy and lack of emotional connection, lack of personal responsibility, and giving her and her sisters to a pedophile when she had been warned were all extreme examples of why going no contact was necessary. Although going no contact may not be necessary for most people, it's still important to acknowledge the truth about our parenting, especially if it was challenging. Doing so can help us become stronger and freer.
Another thing my clients have taught me is that love is more than a feeling. Dating can be a frustrating experience, especially when it feels like we can't find someone who truly loves us. However, the solution may not lie in finding someone else to love us, but in loving ourselves more. In a podcast, therapist and author Terri Cole talks about how the more we work on loving ourselves, the more we will attract an energy of love in our lives. When we are in a place of healthy self-love, we attract partners who also love and respect themselves. This sets the foundation for a relationship in which both partners can fill their own cups and show up for each other.
Loving ourselves means healing our inner child and learning to respect and regard ourselves. When we commit to a practice of self-love, we grow a foundation of love that allows us to have more peace, light, joy, and ease in our lives. Putting our own oxygen mask on first allows us to help the people around us, and the more we love ourselves, the more love we have to give. Self-love is not a selfish act but rather an act of self-respect that allows us to respect others more. Acceptance is also a powerful tool that can help us move toward self-love. Accepting what we cannot change and giving our energy to what we can change is a form of self-love.
In conclusion, the more we love ourselves, the more we will attract an energy of love in our lives, which sets the foundation for healthy relationships. Self-love is not a selfish act but rather an act of self-respect that allows us to respect others more. Acceptance is a powerful tool that can help us move toward self-love. By committing to a practice of self-love, we grow a foundation of love that allows us to have more peace, light, joy, and ease in our lives.
Episode Tags
- ADD 1
- Abuse 14
- Alcohol 3
- Anger 8
- Bullying 4
- Childhood 37
- Codependency 7
- Covid 4
- Crystal Catalina 4
- Depression 15
- Detachment 2
- Disassociation 4
- Emotions 71
- Existentialism 1
- Faith 1
- Family 24
- Fatigue 4
- Focus 3
- Gratitude 11
- Grief 10
- Guilt 2
- Healers 7
- Healing 51
- High Sensation 4
- Hope 1
- Hypervigilance 7
- Introverts 6
- Lonliness 7
- Love 3
- Manifesting 5
- Manipulation 19
- Men 1
- Mindfulness 36
- Money 10
- Music 3
- Nutrition 2
- Overthinking 8
- PTSD 11
- Parenting 12
- People Pleasing 7
- Perfectionism 6
- Pets 4
- Relationships 12
- Resiliency 12
- Sadness 1
- Self Esteem 16
- Self Love 11
- Self-Care 24
- Sex 1
- Shame 4
Episode Tags
- ADD 1
- Abuse 14
- Alcohol 3
- Anger 8
- Bullying 4
- Childhood 37
- Codependency 7
- Covid 4
- Crystal Catalina 4
- Depression 15
- Detachment 2
- Disassociation 4
- Emotions 71
- Existentialism 1
- Faith 1
- Family 24
- Fatigue 4
- Focus 3
- Gratitude 11
- Grief 10
- Guilt 2
- Healers 7
- Healing 51
- High Sensation 4
- Hope 1
- Hypervigilance 7
- Introverts 6
- Lonliness 7
- Love 3
- Manifesting 5
- Manipulation 19
- Men 1
- Mindfulness 36
- Money 10
- Music 3
- Nutrition 2
- Overthinking 8
- PTSD 11
- Parenting 12
- People Pleasing 7
- Perfectionism 6
- Pets 4
- Relationships 12
- Resiliency 12
- Sadness 1
- Self Esteem 16
- Self Love 11
- Self-Care 24
- Sex 1
- Shame 4
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